Acceptance is the first step. We will never get anywhere until we recognize the importance of it. Acceptance means we are no longer in denial, but are willing to see our condition for what it really is. We need to accept the fact that we have this condition and it is not going away on its own. We cannot just mask it; we need to accept the good and bad traits that we have. Until we do, it is difficult for others to help us, and it is impossible for us to help ourselves.

Parents come to me all the time, frustrated that they can’t make a difference: "What can I do? My son refuses to accept the fact that he has this. What are our choices?" In conferences filled with both experts and consumers, no one really has an answer. You can lock them up for a few days but they will never trust you again. Until they come to acceptance, they will never make the effort to change. I wish I had an answer, but we all share the same frustration on this issue.

In our one day workshop, we break into small groups for this exercise:

Each person tells the others in the small group what acceptance means and why it is an important first step. Once each person shares his or her feelings, they work out a consensus definition. This takes a long time to work through, but having to express something to others is one of the best ways to become clear about it yourself. We compare all of the group definitions, and have a discussion about what we have learned. The commonality of ideas in all of the workshops I have facilitated is amazing.

Acceptance definitions from the workshop:It is the foundation for the building blocks that we need to get better. It is the beginning of taking back control of our lives.

It is the comfort and understanding of who we are and where we are. It is exerting some control to become a better person, yet allowing for mistakes. It is taking responsibility for our actions, and not succumbing to self pity.

It is being fully apprised, aware, and accountable, while being at peace with ourselves. It is being able to be ourselves. It is being open to the past and present without judgment.

It is being self aware, being able to love ourselves as a whole, unconditionally. It is living with the consequences, both positive and negative of our actions. It is being willing to change habits, tendencies, and behaviors. It is knowing that we ©2018 Bipolar Advantage Page !67 of !156

can only begin to accept others, by accepting ourselves. It is a key component to lifting relationships to a new level.

It is learning how to grow. It is understanding what is happening. It is continuing our learning, then applying the knowledge through practice. It is knowing that we will not get it right the first time, but must keep practicing.

It is being honest about what we are experiencing, what we have done, and what we have chosen, while loving ourselves at the same time.

It is accepting people around us with their expectations or preconceived ideas about who we can become.

Acceptance is not surrender. Acceptance means to love ourselves for who we are right now, while striving to become someone we can love even more tomorrow. A point that is brought up in every workshop is that personal growth and the desire to change is a central component of both acceptance and forgiveness. We all agree that we have to come to acceptance before we can begin to change anything about our condition, our circumstances, and our relationships.

We need to work on acceptance for the rest of our lives. The acceptance we may have today, is often conditioned on expectations that we are going to improve. When a few months go by, and we have not made the progress we were hoping for, we will need to accept that too. Acceptance is something that happens in the moment. We all need to accept our circumstances, other people, and ourselves, every moment of every day.

Please spend fifteen or so minutes today thinking deeply about what acceptance means to you. Fill in the appropriate exercise to reflect your thoughts on what the best answers are for you.

What Does Acceptance Mean To You?

Why Is Acceptance Important To You?

Describe a time when not accepting made things worse.

Describe a time when you could not accept something that you do accept now. What changed for you?

Acceptance Exercise