Do you not fear the miseries
You experienced in the past?
Surely you will feel much pain
If misfortunes attack you?
The woes of life succeed one another
Like the sea's incessant waves -
One has barely passed, before
The next one takes its place.
Until you are liberated, pain
and pleasure come and go at random
Like passers-by encountered in the street.71 - Milarepa
Emotional Pain Creates One Of Tibet’s Great Sages
Most people associate depression with only emotional pain. When you tell someone you are depressed, they don’t think of physical, mental, or spiritual pain. Emotional pain is what most people think depression is. Even though this view is pervasive, it isn’t correct. Nevertheless, emotional pain is a component of depression and the experiences of sadness, regret, remorse, and guilt can pull us into deep despair.
Sometimes our success in struggling with depression relies on our ability to put the past behind us. There is a time when it is necessary to stop carrying burdens of remorse and guilt into the future. Many times, we cannot remake or redo things that went horribly wrong. Whatever the circumstances, we have to come to terms with them and accept ourselves and the situation we face today.
Milarepa is a widely revered and loved Buddhist sage from Tibet. His story is inspiring because through acceptance, devotion, perseverance, and commitment, he survived his trials of deep emotional depression. He was able to overcome the actions of his past by drastically changing his life.
Tibet In The Eleventh Century
The English word Tibet is derived from the Persian word meaning "the heights." Tibet is the high and mountainous region bordering India, Nepal, Bhutan, Myanmar, Russia, and China. Most of the Himalaya mountain range lies within Tibet.
The lamas of the Tibetan region have taught various forms of Buddhism that they incorporated from India. They established numerous monasteries to pass on specific lineages of teaching. They have been spiritual advisors to the Mongol kings of Tibet and China since Buddhism was first brought into Tibet.
Milarepa’s Childhood
Milarepa was born into a good family with wealth in agricultural land and animals. His father had acquired wealth through trade, and the home that Milarepa was born into was considered the cornerstone of the region. Everyone came to his father for help with money or supplies, and were generously taken care of.
When Milarepa was only around 7 years old, his father died. Before he died, the father instructed the uncle and aunt to care for his family and his properties until Milarepa reached the age of maturity at 15. At that time, Milarepa was to inherit all of his father’s wealth and land.
Milarepa’s uncle quickly manipulated the situation and reduced Milarepa, his mother, and his sister to household servants of the lowest rank, usurping all of their wealth. Milarepa suddenly became a servant in his own home.
He was betrayed again when his uncle refused to turn over the lands to Milarepa when he turned 15. The uncle treated his mother and sister very badly, and suggested he had used up all of their wealth caring for them since the father had died. He threw the family off the estate, and forced them to live on the charity of other relatives.72
Milarepa was able to forget his miserable circumstances from time to time. He was singing in the fields one day, when his mother heard him, and chastised him for being happy when she was so miserable. She questioned if he understood the hardship that she and his sister Peta were going through.
His mother was filled with rage and the desire for revenge. She insisted that Milarepa go out and learn the black arts from a good teacher and seek revenge for their misfortune. Milarepa’s mother threatened she would kill herself if he didn’t do this.
It was through this desperate request by his mother, that Milarepa first chose sorcery, revenge and retribution. He studied with a well-known sorcerer, becoming skilled in the rituals for invoking lightning and hailstorms.73 When he was well prepared to take revenge, he returned and rained down hailstorms and lightning for days. The devastation was unimaginable. He succeeded in completely destroying all of his relatives.
His mother ran about with a banner claiming victory over those who had treated her so harshly. She was gloating with cruelty and joy at the revenge her son had brought. The remaining villagers thought about killing her, but instead decided on sending out a search party to find Milarepa and kill him. Milarepa had exacted his mother’s revenge, but in that act he lost all hope of ever going home again.
Milarepa decided to return to his studies with an altogether different perspective. He longed for spiritual knowledge and practice. He worried greatly over the bad karma he had incurred through his evil actions and could think of nothing else. Milarepa moved from teacher to teacher in his quest for spiritual fulfillment.
Years Of Study With Marpa The Translator
Marpa was the greatest Buddhist teacher in Tibet at the time. He enthusiastically sought Buddhist instruction in India, where he was accepted with the great Indian mystic teacher Naropa and learned the “Six yogas of Naropa” along with Naropa’s encyclopedic knowledge and wisdom of the Buddhist traditions.74Naropa formally declared Marpa to be his successor, although he had other major disciples in India.
Upon his return to Tibet, Marpa spent many years translating Buddhist scriptures and made a major contribution to the transmission of the complete buddhadharma (Buddhist teaching) into the Tibetan language. Marpa is also credited with the translation of Vajrayana and Mahamudra techniques of realization.
Marpa was very happy about the possibility of instructing Milarepa: he had been given a premonition in dreams that Milarepa was the disciple who would inherit his lineage.75 Marpa knew from his dreams that Milarepa had a good heart and great mental and spiritual powers. He also knew that the accumulated bad karma must be dealt with. He understood that this particular disciple had extremely powerful gifts that had been put to the wrong use. Marpa was obligated to put Milarepa through arduous training that would work off his bad karma. Even more importantly, Marpa had to be sure that Milarepa would never resort to that negative use of his powers again, no matter how desperate his circumstances became.
Marpa decided to have his student build a stone tower and then, just as he was nearing completion, Marpa would tell him to tear it down and put all the stones back where they came from. Over and over again, each time seemingly very sincere, Marpa made this request for Milarepa to build one tower and then another, for some specific purpose. When it was nearing completion, Marpa would point out its flaws and tell Milarepa to tear it down. The work was excruciatingly difficult and wore Milarepa’s body and mind to complete exhaustion each time. Although this seems like the archetypal story of the master removing all pride and ego from the novice, in Milarepa’s case it represents something more.
Marpa never explained to Milarepa that he was forced to repeatedly push Milarepa into emotional depression to clear his karmic troubles. He never explained anything. Every time that Milarepa showed up for instruction in spiritual teachings with other students, Marpa turned him away cruelly, telling him he was not worthy and calling him “Great Magician” while beating him in front of other students. Milarepa never understood why he was being rejected and mistreated. He only wanted to learn the path to enlightenment, but he was not even allowed to study. He saw many students go ahead of him. He was humiliated, discouraged, and heartbroken.
Milarepa thought, “Was this punishment for the murders I had committed through sorcery and for the destruction of numerous crops by my hailstorms? Did [Marpa] know that I would never be able to practice the Dharma? Or was it through lack of compassion that he would not teach me? Whatever it may be, of what use is this human body which, without religion, only accumulates defilement? Should I kill myself?”76
Milarepa was left in a state of grief and confusion every time this happened. He was often reduced to tears that only brought more chastisement. Marpa would remind Milarepa of the great feats and mortifications other famous Lamas underwent during their spiritual training. This was Marpa’s way of letting Milarepa know that there was no tolerance for self pity, and Milarepa had only himself to blame for his lack of progress.
After yet another rebuke from Marpa, Milarepa recounts that “I was not hurt, but was filled with grief and longed to die.”77Milarepa was so discouraged, he decided that Marpa would never be willing to teach him. He had been dutiful, respectful, and very devoted to Marpa, even though he did not understand what was happening most of the time. Sadly, his will was giving out and he felt he should just go away and try to find another teacher.
Milarepa never discussed his leaving with Marpa. Without telling him, Milarepa accepted letters of recommendation and a gift from Marpa’s wife as a way to get into the school of one of Marpa’s disciples. He left without saying a word to Marpa, and went in search of his new teacher.
He was warmly accepted by Lama Ngogpa because of the letters and gifts from Marpa. Lama Ngogpa believed that Milarepa had Marpa’s blessing, and was very honored to take on one of Marpa’s students.
Lama Ngogpa began the lessons and taught Milarepa some meditation techniques; setting him in a cave with food and water, and giving him time to practice. Although he followed the instructions dutifully, he made no progress. Even the teacher did not understand why this student was not progressing after being given these simple meditation techniques.
Milarepa began to suspect on his own that his lack of progress was because he had not told his teacher the full story about how he left Marpa. He did not mention it to his teacher, but continued his efforts. Not accepting his past and lying about it by “leaving it out” was making it impossible to progress.
By the time the teacher was beginning to figure it out, they were summoned before Marpa at the time of a big festival.78
On their arrival at Marpa’s house, Marpa berated Milarepa, and chastised the Lama Ngogpa for accepting Milarepa as a student. He yelled and screamed and beat Milarepa in front of everyone gathered. This final humiliation was so great that Milarepa ran to another part of the compound to kill himself. Lama Ngogpa understood the depth of his suffering and despair so he stayed with Milarepa, refusing to leave his side.
Marpa saw that he could not insist on any further emotional harm to Milarepa. He called Lama Ngogpa and Milarepa back to the house and made a detailed recounting of all that had occurred from the time he first met his worthy disciple. He had been forced to use controlled anger, he explained, with an aim to contribute to the spiritual development of Milarepa.79 He explained the necessity of plunging Milarepa into this deep emotional depression eight times, to remove all of his bad karma. Marpa now accepted Milarepa as a true student and began to teach him the way of enlightenment.
The Path To Realization
Milarepa progressed very quickly in his meditations, because he had built up so much discipline, fortitude, will power and perseverance over the years. He became a very close and favorite disciple and was told he would reach enlightenment in this lifetime. Milarepa enjoyed the happiness of being with Marpa, who now treated him as a favorite son. He lived in contentment, satisfied with the spiritual insights that were coming to him and the comfort of being loved and well cared for.
A few years later, Milarepa had a series of lifelike dreams that dragged him back into his sorrowful past again. He saw his mother’s house and fields burning, her bones in the middle of the ashes, and his sister wandering aimlessly in the village, homeless, and deranged. These images pervaded his consciousness and made it impossible to meditate. This went on for a week before he woke up early one morning, rushed in, and finding Marpa asleep, woke him to beg for his wisdom and ask permission to leave for his village.
Milarepa went to his village in search of his family. When he arrived, he found that he was not in time to save his mother. Everything was exactly as the dream had showed him. His entire body and soul grieved in deep sorrow and remorse for all the trouble he had caused, and the loss of his family.
However, when he began meditating, he felt a wave of peace come over him. He realized that through the depths of his deepest emotional depressions, he had gained the ability to change himself. He understood that he could now put his burdens down. Filled with an overwhelming peace, he felt liberated from his past.
Milarepa’s realization previewed his coming enlightenment and complete liberation. He was free to attain his goal. Exchanging his house and land for some food, he left his former homeland forever, and proceeded to the first of many caves he was to inhabit over the remainder of his life. He consecrated over 20 caves in the Himalayas with his peaceful meditations.
Milarepa radiated a spiritual light like a beacon, drawing vast numbers of followers toward the light, and dispelling the darkness of selfishness and ignorance.80 Many students were attracted to him and he took on many disciples. He taught the teachings handed down from Naropa and Marpa. Through the teachings, he was credited with the liberation and enlightenment of many people. He is revered for his emphasis on completing good works and right behavior.
What Milarepa Can Mean To Us
Milarepa’s feelings became a powerful agent for personal growth. If he had not experienced such remorse and guilt, he would not have desired to change.
Marpa was an astute and insightful teacher: he knew emotional pain could be used to an advantage, to transform Milarepa from someone capable of death and destruction into a saint. Marpa understood that he could use Milarepa’s suffering as a way to develop deep compassion in his protege, so he would always see his responsibility for how his actions affected others.
Milarepa’s story is also inspiring because he persevered even in the face of the trials which Marpa presented to him. Milarepa could have walked away from these trials at any time and reverted to his old ways.
His insight allowed him to choose peace over all of his burdens of the past. He had to be willing to accept that he could not undo the past, nor could he carry this grief with him forever. He could not walk into his future of complete liberation without letting go. It was the overwhelming peace that he felt while meditating in the ashes of his home, that taught him this final lesson.
Emotional depression can be an agent of change in our own lives. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me and how can I stop it?” we need to be asking, “What can I learn from this?” The old paradigm is for us to avoid emotional pain at all costs while remaining ignorant of the lessons that are available to us. If we replace ignorance and fear with the deep understanding that comes from introspection and changing the way we look at our experiences, we too can use our emotional depression as an agent of change.
Footnotes:71 http://www.kagyu-asia.com/l_mila_t_karma_samsara.html
72 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.20
73 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.26
74 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.214
75 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.43
76 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.54
77 Ibid.
78 http://www.cosmicharmony.com/Av/Milarepa/Milarepa.htm
79 http://tibetanfoundation.org/biographies/milarepa.php
80 The Life of Milarepa, trans. by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa, 1992, Penguin, N.Y., p.58
Comments are closed.