Anthony

A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying, "You are mad; you are not like us."⁴⁶ - Saint Anthony

Mental Pain Brought Him Greatness

Mental pain is the core component of mental illness. You can be mentally ill without physical, spiritual, or even emotional pain, but without mental pain it would be called something else. We all fight against the voices in our heads that are not under our control. To win the battle, we need to turn to the experts. Saint Anthony knew more about the battle than perhaps anyone who ever lived.

Saint Anthony fought against mental pain for most of his 105 years. He fought it alone, with no drugs or therapy to help. His battle was against the whole gamut: doubt, fear, self talk, hallucinations, and even the devil himself. In the process, he developed a strength that could overcome any hardship, and an understanding that would change the world.

”The hero of this drama,” writes Rene Fulop-Miller of Anthony, “is a valiant fighter against the Enemy, the eternal opponent of man, and at the end of this superhuman struggle the world sees not a cured patient but a victorious saint.”⁴⁷ It was his ability to understand and overcome those battles that gave him the clarity and presence of mind to come to the aid of an entire civilization.

Anthony chose to live in an environment that had no other distractions but those in his own mind. He knew that the interior battle was his path to enlightenment, and that it could not be won by looking for ways to avoid it. By facing his own demons instead of running away from the battle, Anthony became one of the greatest saints. His life was an inspiration that has not diminished for almost 1,800 years. Although he spent almost 80 of his years alone, he is credited with saving Christianity from total annihilation.

Early Christianity And The Nile

Two centuries before Anthony was born, Saint Mark, one of the twelve apostles and the writer of the book of Mark in the New Testament, traveled to Egypt to spread the word about Jesus Christ. A great multitude of native Egyptians embraced the teachings along with many Jews who lived in Alexandria, one of the great cities of the time. Christianity flourished in the region, and Saint Mark established the Coptic Orthodox Church in Alexandria around 42 A.D. The scriptures were translated into the local Coptic language and spread to the rural areas.

Alexandria was the site of one of the first universities in the world. Many scholars visited the School of Alexandria to exchange ideas and to communicate directly with the scholars. The scope of this school was not limited to theological subjects; science, mathematics, and humanities were also taught there.⁴⁸

The Nile delta was a busy trading region on the Mediterranean. Agriculture and the seasons of the river determined the wealth and well-being of the culture. The delta was a land of abundance and beauty. The desert bordered this paradise with harsh rock, sand, and dunes. It was unknown: a land apart. Those who went to the desert were not expected to return safely. It was a place for Bedouin nomads and madmen.

In the era before Anthony was born, some of the early Christians practiced asceticism at home or in huts on the edge of the villages. They would fast for long periods, practice self-denial, and abstain from marriage. They immersed themselves in prayers and meditations.⁴⁹

Anthony was among the first generation of hermits who ventured past the edges of their communities. He went far out into the desert. He inspired so many, that for generations, his prescriptions for the silent life of a hermit were emulated by others. Later, when the first monasteries were organized, they took Anthony’s example as the cornerstone of monastic life.

Anthony’s Childhood

Anthony was born in a small village several miles from Alexandria, into a wealthy agricultural family. Anthony grew up knowing the seasons of the Nile River; planting, irrigating, harvesting, and caring for the animals. His parents distrusted most of the schools of the city. They were not comfortable with the languages and customs of the invading Greeks and Romans. They did not speak Greek or Latin; they spoke Coptic.

His parents chose to keep their son away from the culture of bustling Alexandria. He lived at home with his family and grew up as a devoted member of the Coptic Christian church. Anthony remained illiterate throughout his life. What he learned of religion and scripture was read to him.

Anthony was brought up to manage his family’s agricultural business. By the time he was a young man, he was entrusted with managing lands and crops, which were like gold in the culture of the Nile. He was a favorite son of the community, and enjoyed the company of many friends.

His parents died when he was about 20 years old. Anthony dutifully took on the responsibilities that came with inheriting his family’s wealth. He managed the business well and increased his landholdings. In every way, it looked like he would become a leader within his community.

One day, scripture read aloud by a priest had an immediate impact on Anthony. It felt like the words were aimed directly at him. "If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven; and come, follow Me."⁵⁰

Anthony proceeded to follow those instructions to the letter. He sold off his land and property, made arrangements for the care of his sister, distributed all of his wealth to the poor, and began preparing for the life of a hermit.

His community was unable to dissuade him. They expected Anthony to grow up to be a strong leader in their community and were completely surprised that he would turn away from that destiny and live as a hermit.

The priests of the time had land, families and homes, so they could not guide him on his new path. They were no more adept at the life of an ascetic than Anthony. He wandered the outskirts of the city until he found an old ascetic hermit living in a hut. The old man took Anthony in for awhile, and showed him how to survive in the life he had chosen.

The old man taught Anthony the necessity of living a balanced life that included work and prayer. Anthony quickly learned how to weave mats and baskets. This meant he would have something to offer in exchange for food. The old man gave Anthony a thick tunic of camel hair, which would protect from both heat and cold. Anthony learned to make simple meals of bread, water and dried fruit.

After this period of initiation, Anthony set out to devote his life to God.⁵¹

Anthony’s Life In The Desert

Anthony walked away from the lush, protective life of the river valley and into the harsh, barren desert. He was full of youthful enthusiasm and confidence in himself.

After walking for many hours, the only thing he could see was more sand in every direction. He stumbled upon a large bramble bush that would serve as his shelter for the night.

As Anthony started to fall asleep, he had the first of many visions that would haunt him for the rest of his life. A beautiful young woman came out of nowhere and laid down beside him. She caressed him and made every sort of inviting and enticing gesture to get his attention.

He knew this was an agent of the devil, meant to distract him and keep him from his goal. He spoke out and admonished the devil for trying to tempt him with beauty and sex. The young woman persisted relentlessly through the night. He turned away, again and again, praying to be rescued from this temptation until the vision subsided and then disappeared altogether.⁵²

He realized he was not protected enough on the open dunes, so he decided on a very unusual idea. He had seen the distant mountains where there were old tombs carved in the rock. He thought the tombs would make an excellent refuge. They would be difficult to reach, so he asked a friend to accompany him on the trip.

The Egyptian culture saw life on earth as transitory, and Egyptian tombs had everything necessary for the life after this one. These chambers, cut out of the rock face of the cliffs, were large and spacious, with high ceilings. They were completely protected from the outside elements of heat, cold and wind. After all, these were tombs, and people did not usually open them or go inside. It was as unusual for Anthony’s time as it would be for ours.⁵³

Anthony’s loyal friend agreed that he would return every month and bring a little bread and water. In exchange, Anthony would trade the mats that the old man taught him to make.

As the door closed behind Anthony, his difficulties began in earnest. Anthony was tempted with thoughts about the life he left behind. He wondered about the welfare of his sister, and missed her. There were foods that he would miss, and many comforts he was accustomed to in his former home. In short, he had doubts and moments of regret.

He was however, determined. Anthony strengthened his will by repeating phrases from scriptures that would help him keep in the present moment. He resolved to live each day as though yesterday did not matter. This practice gave him strength to fight another day.

As Anthony began his routine of meditations and prayer, he noticed that he could not get through the day without distraction. It seemed as though his adversary was always waiting for his mind to wander. It began as vicious thoughts in his head, distractions of sounds, and bits of wind brushing by his shoulders. As soon as he lost his concentration, it was as though the door had opened to let the devil in.

The visions became increasingly bizarre and frightful. The creatures painted on the walls of the tomb came alive. The phantoms took the form of wild beasts, wolves, lions, snakes, scorpions, and mythical creatures. Every day, Anthony banished all of them from his cave.⁵⁴ They returned every time Anthony lost his focus. He was beaten by wings of birds from above, the paws of large lions swiping across his face, and all kinds of other attacks. This went on night and day, making it impossible to rest.

Anthony could not withstand the constant onslaught. He fell down, exhausted, and lapsed into a coma. When his friend arrived at the cave to bring him food and water, he found Anthony near death. He picked him up and brought him back to his village.

Many people in the village came when they heard the news. Anthony was so still and unresponsive that they presumed he was dead. They took him to the church, and many villagers offered to stay with the body overnight.

Anthony woke up while they were all sleeping. He let his good friend know he was going to go back to his tomb. Without waking anyone else, he left and returned to the desert. He may have lost a battle, but he was beginning to understand his tormentor and he felt stronger than ever before.

Anthony laughed when the visions began to return. “If any of you have any authority over me, only one would have been sufficient to fight me."⁵⁵ He understood the limits of their power over him.

He learned to live with the voices in his head, and visions of every imaginable kind. Ever shifting and changing, the visions did not cease. Over time, Anthony strengthened his ability to focus; it cut through all of this and kept him ever present in a state of prayer.

Anthony seemed to have won the battle against the devil’s cohorts. He spent his days and nights in meditations and prayer. If there were distractions, he had no discomfort or fear from them; he stayed in the present moment.

Finally, the devil himself showed up. If Anthony thought he understood the power of the devil, he had underestimated him. He cried out to the devil that he was safe, within the protection of his faith and the devil could not harm him. The devil determined that Anthony was lost to him and decided to kill him.

The very walls began to tremble. Lions, leopards, bears, and bulls began tearing into the walls. Anthony was filled with horror. Walls were leaning, crumbling, and moving above his head. Snakes and scorpions surrounded his feet. The walls of the tomb were sliding on their foundations. The earth was shaking and roaring. Anthony cringed on his knees as he saw the vaulted ceiling was about to collapse in on him. This was surely his last moment.

But he had been at this for 16 years! He would rather die than give up his beliefs. No adversary could make him do otherwise. In an instant, the devil and his minions suddenly disappeared.

The ceiling opened above him. Anthony experienced bright light surrounding him and the entire tomb became quiet. He asked “Where were you my Lord Jesus? Why did you not come sooner to assist me?” He heard a voice reply “Anthony, I was near you all the time. I was at your side, and I have seen your fight, and because you have withstood your enemy, I will always protect you.”⁵⁶

Anthony understood that he had won. He believed that God would never abandon him, and would protect him for the rest of his life. He understood his time there was finished and he emerged from the tomb.

Modern psychiatry would put the whole battle in terms of hallucinations and mental illness. Anthony’s battles are identical in many ways to the constant visions of suicide that many of us confront. But, as Goethe said, “Why should we search for the meaning of phenomena, when the phenomena themselves teach us the lesson?”⁵⁷ As I said in the Is My Experience Valid? chapter, it is not the hardships we face that matter, it is what we become as a result of facing them.

The Sage On The Mountain

Anthony felt more confident than ever that he had chosen the correct path. He felt liberated by his triumph over the devil. At 36 years old, he was more committed than ever to a life of an ascetic. 

Anthony stopped in the village to make arrangements for someone to bring him food and water every six months in exchange for his mats and baskets. He asked that he not be disturbed. It would be sufficient if they would just leave it outside his door. He had chosen a solitary life. He would no longer be visited by his friend on a monthly basis.

Near the top of the mountain were old stone walls of a fortress. Behind the walls were rooms of the old fortress, carved into the rock. This was going to be Anthony’s home for the next 20 years.

He was not alone in the fort. First he had to go about housecleaning, getting out all the scorpions, reptiles, bugs, and other creatures that lived there. He had to ignore the numerous goblins, tramps, and troll-like spirits that called the old fort their home too. Their primary goal was to upset Anthony or distract him, or to simply make sure he knew they were there. But compared to his fight with the devil, it was just a minor nuisance.

Within the year, the people of the village began to talk about an odd mystery developing. When they would drop off supplies outside the room where Anthony lived, they heard a loud din of voices, scolding, laughing, and carrying on. They could never tell where all the noise was coming from. The entire room of spirits was causing a ruckus so loud that even the villagers could hear it.

When they peered through cracks in the door, they saw only Anthony. He was sitting still, absorbed in meditation and prayer. They were in awe of the man inside and began to tell others. Soon, there was a small gathering around the entrance at all times.

Anthony came out one day and saw the crowd at his door. He had not been out for more than six months. They expected a weary, insane, famished and fragile hermit to emerge. Instead, they were greeted by an energized, healthy, serene, and enlightened man. He was hailed as a hero and the legend of Anthony began to spread throughout the region.⁵⁸

Soon, Anthony was surrounded by novice ascetic monks, wishing to learn from the master. Anthony realized that he would have to help these devoted souls, if nothing else than to keep them from going crazy from the thoughts which plagued them in isolation:

“What condemns us is not that thoughts enter into us but that we use them badly; indeed, through our thoughts we can be shipwrecked, and through our thoughts we can be crowned.”⁵⁹

As Anthony’s reputation grew, people came from far and wide to be healed of all kinds of illnesses of the body, mind, and soul. The novices gathered around him, seeking advice and help in their spiritual quest. Anthony’s kindness and compassion showed in the hours he spent in this new vocation, even though he preferred to hide alone in his cave.⁶⁰

Anthony Brings His Wisdom To Alexandria

The time was coming when the world would need Anthony. In Alexandria, the Christians had fallen under the persecution of the Romans. They were being asked to recant their faith. Those who refused were imprisoned and fed to the lions in the colosseum.

In 312 AD, at sixty-one years old, Anthony came to Alexandria for the first time in his life. As he walked into the streets of Alexandria, it was as foreign and distracting as any vision he had ever had. He saw meats, fruits, spices, and vegetables of every variety, along with costumes and textiles of unbelievable color and texture. There were magicians, artists, musicians, and entertainers at every corner. It was a masterpiece of distraction, yet Anthony was there for only one purpose: to give comfort and confidence to those being persecuted because of their Christian faith.

It is described as a miracle that Anthony walked untouched past the guards, through prisons and labor camps. The tall, erect, youthful-looking man, with his long white beard, white robe and staff, was unearthly in his appearance. No one dared to apprehend him. Even the governor of the region would not send out his troops against him.⁶¹

He did everything that he could to bless his people and give them courage, knowing that many would die in this persecution.

Within a year, the reign of Maximinus Daia was overthrown by Constantine and the persecutions ended. Constantine had already brought religious tolerance for Christians to the Roman Empire in Europe, and his troops brought the same tolerance to Alexandria.

His mission completed, Anthony returned to his home in the mountains. When Constantine visited Alexandria, four years later, he immediately sought out Anthony for his endorsement and his advice.⁶²

After his meeting with Constantine, Anthony returned to the desert. He wanted to avoid his former retreat on Mt. Pispir because it had attracted so many pilgrims. Traveling with a group of Bedouins, he went deeper into the desert until he came to an oasis. He found a cave at the edge of the oasis and made it his home. He was so far into the desert that most people could never find him.

Saint Anthony Saves Christianity

Throughout the Christian world, factions had arisen challenging the concept of Jesus as part of the Holy Trinity and the Son of God. This challenge was turning communities and families against each other. There would be no peace until the Church could answer this question once and for all.

In 325 AD, the Council of Nicaea met to decide the fate of Christianity. Bishops came from all over the empire to make the final decision. Constantine was very involved, and of course sided with those who believed in Jesus Christ. Those who followed Arius believed that Jesus was only a man, and therefore could not speak for God.

After vigorous debate, The Council of Nicaea wrote the Nicene Creed:

“We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible. And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God...”⁶³

Not everyone viewed the council or the pope as infallible. Arius continued to attract followers. The Arian belief that Jesus was just a man was growing. Over the next few years, the Nicene Creed was disputed to the point that it was no longer accepted. Christianity once again was faced with annihilation. “If the Arians had won, [Christianity] would have dwindled away into legend.”⁶⁴

The debate came to a head in Alexandria. Out of desperation, Athanasius, the primary Bishop of the region and a close friend of Anthony, asked Anthony to come and attest to the divinity of Jesus Christ.

Once again, the tall, erect saint with the long white beard arrived in the city. This time, people of every faith and ethnic group ran to meet him. They knew the legends of this great man and his powers. They followed him as he made his way through the grand city and waited anxiously to hear what he would say.

What he said would not surprise those who have followed his story, but it rang out over the crowd with so much certainty that the masses knelt in prayer. He said simply “He is God - I have seen him. I have SEEN Him!”sup>65 Anthony did for the Christians what none of their bishops had been able to do. He gave them confidence in their faith, which is the real power behind the Nicene Creed.

Athanasius begged Anthony to stay and implored him that the church needed him among men. But Anthony felt that his insight and wisdom came from his life of renunciation, and that he would lose his insight if he stayed among people in the city. When he left Alexandria, the Bishop Athanasius gave Anthony his mantle as a show of admiration and devotion. Years later, when Athanasius became the Pope, he would write the biography of Saint Anthony.⁶⁶

Anthony’s Life As A Saint

Anthony would go out from his cave only once more. He went in search of the first desert hermit, Paul of Thebes. Paul had spent almost ninety years in the desert, and was 113 years old. There were legends surrounding Paul, but no one had seen him in years.

In the story by Saint Jerome; God asked Anthony to visit, so Paul could spend his last days in the company of a spiritual man, and not just among the animals of the desert.⁶⁷

The desert was different for Anthony ever since he had won his battle with the devil. He was met with only love and assistance. Supernatural creatures that were half human and half animal appeared to show Anthony the way. They kept him on the route toward Paul’s cave. These visions were magnificent, friendly, and helpful. Instead of tormenting him, they acted as valuable guides, giving direction and protection.

Anthony was able to arrive in time to see Paul, and spent a day speaking with him before he died. When Paul died, Anthony wrapped him in the mantle that Athanasius had given him, and watched as two lions appeared and dug Paul’s grave.⁶⁸

After returning home, Anthony was transformed into a light-filled and radiant example of love. Nearing 100 years old, Anthony was the ever-young, limber, tall man he had always been. He was now gently compassionate, turning his monks toward the way of love; no longer stressing the ascetic way of life.

One day, when Anthony was filling water jugs at the spring, he had a vision. As he turned from the spring, the way back to his cave became a field of green, with knee high ripening wheat. He felt the grains in his hands, and remembered his life as a young farmer. He realized that the spring could support fields of wheat in the valley. It was a vision of what he could create, so he began the next day.

After borrowing some tools, Anthony created an entire irrigation system and planted his seeds. Within weeks, he was looking at wheat sprouting in the fields. In a few months, he had his first crop. He made his own bread; enough for all who came to visit him.⁶⁹

At 105 years old, Anthony knew his time on earth was over. He told his closest disciples to spread the word, so that his many followers would have a last opportunity to visit. From all regions of Egypt, and all walks of life, they came to see Anthony. So many arrived, that they made a large encampment around the area. Many were ascetics and hermits who had followed his example.

Anthony walked lovingly among them, giving last bits of advice, and reminding them to walk in the way of love. His bread was divided until it had fed all of them.

Saint Anthony is often called the Father of the Western Monastic orders.

Learning From Our Mental Conditions 

When “normal” people read about Saint Anthony’s visions, they often wonder what it must have been like, or if the visions were “real.” Those of us who share Anthony’s gift know exactly what it was like. My visions, hallucinations, voices, and delusions are completely “real” in the context of how they affect my life.

Anthony’s life has one defining characteristic. He faced every aspect of his mind, learned from it, and came to understand the “real” world better than anyone. Nearly a century in the desert did not render Anthony completely insane and dysfunctional. To the contrary, Anthony was viewed as wise, disciplined, and a master of his thoughts and actions. Each time he came to Alexandria, he brought clarity to confusion. He walked untouched by the confusion and turmoil of city life, because he had seen much worse in his own head.

If you face your mental conditions and learn to understand them, they will lose their power. In the movie “A Beautiful Mind,” Dr. John Nash reminds his colleagues that the companion visions are always there - “I just choose to ignore them.”⁷⁰

I believe ignoring them is the wrong approach. John Nash accepted a diminished life that had his best days behind him. Anthony became better until his last breath. The difference: Anthony chose to learn from his experiences instead of avoiding or denying them.

With understanding, the same capacity of the mind to create visions can be turned to an advantage. Instead of completely avoiding, denying, or masking the symptoms, it is important also to face them from time to time, and to learn from them.

On some level, each individual must know what his or her own weaknesses are, and do what is necessary to overcome them. Fear decreases with knowledge. Control increases with understanding. Good visions can give us hope, encouragement and a desire to live; even painful visions can fortify us simply through the experience of surviving them. Each individual needs knowledge of his or her own strength and capacity for this. Facing our mental conditions will give us knowledge of our true strengths and our full potential.