“By this road, because it is so narrow, dark and terrible, they are far fewer that journey, but its benefits are far greater without comparison.”81 - Saint John of the Cross
Spiritual Pain: The Dark Night Of The Soul
The questions that come with deep despair are not easy ones. “What’s the point? Why me? If there is a god, where is he?” Deep, spiritual despair is a component of depression that is often not discussed. It often is the worst and most misunderstood part. If more people understood this kind of despair, maybe there would be someone to talk to about it. For the most part, we are left without a guide on this part of the journey.
The Dark Night of the Soul, by Saint John of the Cross, has almost become synonymous with depression because it describes feelings to which we can relate. The wisdom of this book has been reinterpreted through the ages by many authors of books of a spiritual nature. In the field of psychiatry, authors have used the title or mentioned it in their own books and articles. Written by Saint John of the Cross in the 16th century, The Dark Night of the Souldefines the stages of spiritual despair. In clear and even progression, it lays out the journey through the deepest of dark nights and guides us back. This is the story of the man that took this journey and offered to be our guide.
John of the Cross was after enlightenment his entire life. He witnessed it in Saint Teresa of Avila, so he knew it was possible for him also. Like Saint Teresa, his goal was “union with God.” As a scholar, he seems to have always known by intuition that he would not find it in books.
John’s lifelong desire to seek out quiet spots of contemplation never left him. It wasn’t until his dark night that he realized that even if he found the perfect place for contemplation, his meditations and prayers wouldn’t give him enlightenment. What he didn’t anticipate was the power of his spiritual suffering. Nothing in his life was more painful or more transforming.
Thomas Merton, a Catholic mystic who lived in our times, reassures us about getting involved with John of the Cross. “John of the Cross, who seems at first sight to be a saint for the most pure of the Christian elite, may very well prove to be the last hope of harlots and publicans... His teaching is not merely a matter of ‘Carmelite spirituality,’ as some seem to think. In fact, I would venture to say that he is the Father of all those whose prayer is an undefined isolation outside the boundary of ‘spirituality.’ He deals chiefly with those who, in one way or another, have been brought face to face with God in a way that methods cannot account for and books do not explain.”82
The Dark Night of the Soul was written by someone who had been there. John of the Cross found enlightenment in his own spiritual pain.
Sixteenth Century Spain
John of the Cross would face the same political forces, and same difficulties dealing with them as was described for Teresa of Avila. The 16th century had even more difficulties for the lower classes. For people living in poverty like John, there was a world of suffering. Everyone living in poverty was subject to multiple rounds of famine, plague, and other highly contagious diseases during his or her lifetime. Perhaps the difficult circumstances of his childhood poverty actually assisted John. When he met his fate later in life, he had already experienced incredible loneliness, hunger, and poverty.
Early Childhood
John of the Cross was born in 1542, in a small town not far from Avila. His father died when John was somewhere between two and four years old. His mother was a weaver. She attempted to keep her small family together by moving from village to village, wherever she thought she could make a living. She went to one of the largest trade and mercantile centers of the time, Medina del Campo, but try as she might, she could not keep her family supplied with adequate clothing, housing and food. John’s brother Luis died from the hardship and malnutrition, so his mother was forced to put John into an orphanage-school. By this difficult sacrifice on her part, she was able to save him.83
The orphanage gave John an education, food and clothes. He was bright, a quick learner, helpful and willing. He was offered jobs working at the church, and later offered a chance to learn skills in the trades. It was expected that this young orphan would take an apprenticeship in carpentry, sculpture, painting or tailoring. John never became proficient enough in one of the trades to complete an apprenticeship. His interests and talents were elsewhere.
He was offered a job at the hospital when he was still a young boy, and worked there for several years. At the hospital, he saw people die from the plague and other diseases. John’s compassion, patience, and gentleness, caught the attention of the hospital administrator. This was part of John’s character that stayed with him for a lifetime.
Early Aspirations
Don Alonso, the hospital administrator, also noticed John had a passion for reading and was already quite skilled in Latin. He made it possible for John to go on to higher education. This was the beginning of a life devoted to literature and philosophy. He began his studies in humanities at the recently established Jesuit school of Saint Ignatius of Loyola when he was 17.84
When John graduated from his studies with the Jesuits, he had several opportunities. He was offered ordination and a position working with Don Alonso, and he could have continued with the Jesuits in scholarly pursuits. The socially interactive life of a hospital priest or a scholar didn’t appeal to John. Instead, he wanted a quiet life of contemplation. He chose to become a monk at the order of the Carmelites in Medina. As a novice, he would still study, but it would be a life of quiet devotion and prayer.
John always showed a strong desire for a contemplative life of meditation and prayer. However, his unique gifts as a scholar and a leader would mean that he was most often requested to fulfill those roles within the order. He found a way to satisfy both aspects, although not always in a way he would have imagined. John would lead a very complete and rewarding vocational and spiritual life, but he would continue long after he was successful to seek his ultimate spiritual goal of “oneness with God.”
University Of Salamanca
The Carmelites realized John’s gifts for scholarship and his great intellect. They sent him to the University of Salamanca to return to his studies of theology and philosophy. John arrived in 1564 at this beautiful and busy university center near the Portugal border in western Spain. Many well known professors and students from all around Spain were assembled there. The vibrant society of the university was completely seductive and promising to John at that time.
At the university, John was able to study with Father Luis Ponce de Leon. This turned out to be one of the greatest academic and scholarly influences of his life. Ponce de Leon was only a few years into his position as a professor, but he was very revered and respected. He was a prolific writer, translating classical texts and the Biblical “Song of Solomon.” This poem became a favorite for John of the Cross.85
John was thoroughly involved in his studies and was appreciated as a scholar. He was engaged on a daily basis in teaching classes, and interacting with students and other scholars.86 However, he began to be dissatisfied and feel that the constant dissertations and scholastic arguments were leading nowhere. As his university education was concluding, John had to consider his vocational options.
To this young man so caught up in the world of literature, the roles awaiting him as director and administrator in the priesthood were looking less appealing. He was already longing for something more. His goal in life was direct contact with God, one he believed could be reached through isolated contemplation.
Work With Teresa Of Avila
To satisfy his desire for the contemplative life, John returned to the Carmelites, was ordained into the priesthood, and went to celebrate his first Mass in Medina del Campo. He had not yet met the dynamic and persuasive Teresa of Avila who would recruit him for the Reformed Carmelites and convince him to take a leadership role.
Teresa of Avila came to John with a proposition that he become the spiritual director in charge of founding men’s monasteries of the Reformed Carmelites, based on the reforms that she had set at the convents for her nuns. She expected that the men’s monasteries would be less reclusive, do more teaching, and be more involved with the community in education and spiritual life. She had great confidence that she had found her ally in John.
John was convinced that she offered him what he was looking for. She took seriously his desire for direct spiritual experience, a life of contemplation, and prayer. She shared his desires and told him that she had also been interested in a more introspective life. She shared with him her interest in the Franciscans who were practicing “recollection.” She had been greatly inspired by them and was following their practice of interior prayer.87
John recognized Teresa for the spiritual dynamo that she was, and knew he would learn a great deal from her. Teresa recognized his learning and scholarship as a marvelous compliment to the devotional life of the order. Teresa’s nuns would soon be calling John “God’s archives.”88
In 1568, he took the name of John of the Cross when he joined the Reformed Carmelites, and began building the first monastery. The monastery in Alcala de Henares was specifically located next to the university for the education of the novice monks. John was to guide young novices in their studies and give them spiritual direction. Throughout his vocation, this would remain his primary assignment - to educate and direct the spiritual life of other monks and nuns.
John was known for his versatility. He would design the architecture to build aqueducts or libraries, work in the quarry, or sweep floors. Although he was highly valued for his scholarship and his spiritual insight, he always set the example that any task was worthy of his attention.
He also made time for all those that were sick and those in poverty. If they were in the community or in the monastery, it was John who first noticed the needs of others and did something about it. He always made room for poor children in the community, and brought them in to educate them. His compassion and kindness were well known. Those novices who came into the convent or monastery from a life of poverty could never afford a new habit or new shoes. John always noticed and went out and bought the items for them. He would attend to the sick and search out special medicines for them.89
The ancient Carmelite Rule dictated a life of austerity. John of the Cross set the example and seemed to thrive under it. Teresa of Avila cautioned and pleaded with him to emphasize a balanced life. She needed young university students in her order of priests, and didn’t want them to turn away because of harsh living conditions at the monastery. John understood that while he may have associated austerity with purity, he would need to use the attraction of joy and love.
When Teresa invited John to work directly with her at the Convent of the Incarnation in Avila in 1572, the manner in which their different strengths complimented each other was evident to everyone. John of the Cross saw Teresa elevated to great spiritual heights, and witnessed her “union with God,” but she credits him with guiding her during those years.
If he had not witnessed Teresa’s union, John of the Cross may not have realized that he really could achieve his goal of oneness with God. He felt he had lived a life of many challenges in poverty, but in the life of the spirit he felt confident in his scholastic achievements, his daily practice, and the luxury of being surrounded by those of a similar consciousness. He was looked up to by those who worked with him, and enjoyed guiding many people through spiritual crisis. John had every opportunity available to him during those years, yet his ultimate challenge of “union with God” was yet to come.
The Dark Night Of The Soul
In December of 1577, John of the Cross was abducted without notice, charges, a trial, or any explanation. He was taken away in the middle of the night to prison. The older Carmelite order was willing to go this far to stop the reform movement and maintain their status quo. 90
After two weeks, he was not released, but moved to a horrible solitary confinement with no end in sight. He was deprived of light, food, sleep, was unable to bathe, completely exposed to the cold in winter and the heat in summer, and was unable to speak with anyone who knew him. The cell that he was locked up in was so small that he could barely move around. The deprivation of sleep and daylight alone would have made someone with less mental strength go crazy. Someone who had not already known poverty and hunger might have fallen immediately ill and lost the will to live.
John suffered miserably and horribly for months on end. His only interaction with any human being was to be beaten and asked to recant his support of the Reformed Carmelite movement he helped to establish. He simply remained silent. 91
John of the Cross was able to withstand the physical, emotional, and mental circumstances of his prison. What he could not endure was spiritual deprivation. For him, that was his weak link, and he would have to struggle with it to the very depths of his being.
For those who maintain a spiritual practice and feel they are frequently enjoying the peace of their connection with the divine, to be suddenly without that reassurance is devastating. For John of the Cross to have been deprived of his entire spiritual community - the mass, literature, meditations and prayer - was a greater shock than any other hardship. Had he felt the presence of his God, this total abandonment of spiritual life would have been bearable. However, his prayer and meditations were empty, his soul was denied all pleasure and peace. He was alone and without God.
“As silver is tried by fire, and gold in the furnace, so the Lord tries hearts.”92
The dark, small cell that John of the Cross lived in for nine months was literally and symbolically a deprivation of the senses, the mind, and the heart. Like the state-specific memory of depression, he did not believe it would ever end. This was the proverbial desert.
This is how John of the Cross describes it when the imagination, the will, the intellect, and sense of peace and pleasure are denied the spiritual seeker: “When they believe the sun of Divine favor is shining most brightly, all their interior light is turned to darkness, and the door shut against the source of the sweet spiritual water which they were tasting whenever they desired.”93
There was no progress in meditation, no feeling in prayer, no connection. For the first time, where there was always comfort, peace, pleasure, and confidence, there was doubt. John would have to question himself: What’s the point? Is there a god? No debate or argument in your head can resolve these questions.
“A soul finds no pleasure or consolation in anything.”94 As all else drops away from the senses of the body and the senses of the soul, there is only emptiness.
What can possibly follow this state of complete deprivation? More and more of the same. It may go on for weeks, for months, for years. It is described as a purifying process by John of the Cross. He used the imagery of “night” to describe the agony of depression, desolation, and the feeling of divine abandonment.95
Thomas Merton tells us that this is a path without formula, without prescription. “No one becomes a saint without solving the problem of suffering... The saint solves the problem not by a merely speculative solution, not by analyzing, but by suffering. It is a living solution burned in the flesh and in the spirit by fire.”96
Eventually, this kind of despair becomes a huge, hollowed-out emptiness. From this point forward, the soul will have to find its own way. There is no path to follow. For John of the Cross, this turns into the moment where healing begins. After enduring all that he had for months, he writes that in this space a “yearning for God becomes so great in the soul that the very bones seem to be dried up by their thirst.”97
Out of this great thirst, John of the Cross describes a rekindling of a love. This love is so pure, subtle, and refined in nature that the soul could not perceive it while it was distracted by the lower consciousness. He describes a healing and awakening from an almost dead state (of the lower consciousness) into the higher self. “Thy light will shine in the darkness.”98
This was the enlightenment of Saint John of the Cross. This was his “union with God” that he had longed for. What his vocation, scholarship, devoted life of prayer, and meditation did not bring him, his dark night brought so profoundly.
He found his “union with God” by facing the challenge of losing all of his beliefs. He had to face his deepest despair and endure it. His writing reminds us that it was not by spiritual pleasures and imaginative meditations, but only by way of this dark night that he arrived. “They are very few that endure and persevere in entering by this straight gate and by the narrow way which leads to life.”99
During the last few months of his imprisonment, John of the Cross had made such an impression on one of his jailers, that the man had started to bring him paper and pens for writing. In this way, John was able to begin to write the multitude of verses that were in his head. His mind was so flooded with ideas and poetry that it would take him years after he left prison to get it all written.
John of the Cross escaped his solitary confinement and imprisonment nine months after it began. With patience and ingenuity, he was able to determine an escape route. By this time, John of the Cross was in such a weakened state that he probably would have died if he hadn’t escaped and received help. A nearby convent was able to help him get to where Saint Teresa of Avila was in Toledo. The nuns were able to hide him and keep him hospitalized there until his recovery.
He took out of prison the poetry that he had been able to write down, and the poetry and books that were in his head. After leaving prison and regaining his health, he wrote the Spiritual Canticle, The Ascent on Mt. Carmel and The Dark Night of the Soul. He wrote many letters and poems; some of them survived in the libraries of the convents and monasteries.100
Later Years
The beauty that he brought into literature through his experiences was not the expression of someone who had turned bitter from the struggles and sufferings in life. To the contrary, the poetry of the Spiritual Canticle is full of color, love and life. His lyrical poetry is some of the best in the Spanish language.101 His descriptions of the path of the spirit toward enlightenment are clear and true.
From the moment of his “union with God,” John felt liberated. After escaping prison, he regained his health quickly, and lost no time taking on as many projects as he could. “The soul has to sing of the happy chance of its passage from this dreadful night.”102
As he traveled to his different monasteries, John of the Cross was known for choosing the worst room in the monastery for his own. After his dark night, there was very little that bothered him. He really did not care. Because his spirit had met the ultimate challenge, everything seemed easy for him now.
By contrast, he was very aware of the sufferings of others. He cared personally for men who fell ill while under his direction at the monastery, and would even cook for them. He never asked for special recognition because of his position. Instead it was the opposite. He wanted to be unknown.103
In his last “home,” a monastery in Ubeda, John was not very well cared for. Father Crisostomo was the administrative director of the monastery and well known in the community. He seemed mostly concerned about his own reputation and status. The sick, holy monk was a nuisance to him, and he let John of the Cross know that he was a burden and an expense to the monastery.
John of the Cross took it on himself to transform this situation as he had done many times before. In his letter to the nuns he wrote: “Do not let what is happening to me, daughters, cause you any grief, for it does not cause me any... Where there is no love, put love, and you will draw out love.”104
When he knew his death was near, John of the Cross called Crisostomo to him and apologized for being a burden on the monastery. Crisostomo was so overwhelmed that he broke into tears and begged forgiveness from John of the Cross. Father Crisostomo’s life was changed forever. In his last great suffering, John of the Cross was so compassionate with those around him that their lives were transformed by his love and kindness.
Lessons We Can Learn From Saint John Of The Cross
I have struggled the most with the end of this chapter. There is a tremendous desire to write something meaningful and profound, but I must admit that I cannot come up with anything. Everything I want to write ends up wrong and I don't think there is any integrity in claiming to know something that I don't.
There is a big difference between BEEN there and AM there. With the other saint chapters I can write with authority because I have been there and came to conclusions that have meaning for me. With the Dark Night of the Soul, I AM there and can only hope to find my way out. Like John of the Cross, it has shaken me to the core of my beliefs. Unlike him, mine is not so much a dark night as a seven year twilight of a dull aching pain that seems to go on and on with no end in sight. While I AM there, any conclusion has no meaning or else I would be saying I’ve BEEN there.
My mind keeps thinking John was lucky that it only lasted nine months. Like getting a tooth pulled, it seems easier to just put up with the short term pain than to drag it out with shots and all. If one intense night would bring it to a conclusion, then bring it on. This slow pain seems so much more to endure when I am too worn out to keep up the fight. But I keep on fighting because there is no other option that makes any sense.
I have wanted to write that my lesson from John was that you don't need to meditate or any other practice, but I intuitively know that to be a lie. It was my years of meditation and deep spiritual practice that gave me the insight and strength to make it this far. I assume it was the accumulation of life experiences that got John through too. I am afraid to admit that I will not make it through this dark time until I make the effort to do all of the things I know that I should, but accept that I am making progress as fast as I can while trying to resist a manic dash for the finish line that is likely to end up in a crash.
If nothing else, it is safe to conclude that John proved even the deepest despair can be a path to enlightenment. Through his personal triumph over spiritual pain, Saint John of the Cross was forced into an awareness more profound than all his intellect and learning could ever provide. His meditations and prayers may have brought him to ecstatic states, but in the end, it was his Dark Night of the Soul that defined Saint John of the Cross.
Footnotes:81 The Dark Night of the Soul, translated by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, New York, pp. 49 – 50
82 Merton, Thomas, Essay on St. John of the Cross; Saints for Now, ed. by Clare Booth Luce, 1952, Sheed & Ward, London
83 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3.shtml
84 Ibid.
85 Luis Ponce de Leon, Encyclopedia Britannica, 1911, V16, Page 443
86 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3a.shtml
87 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3b.shtml
88 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3b.shtml
89 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3f.shtml
90 The Collected Works Of St. John Of The Cross, rvsd. ed.,trans. by Kieran Kavanaugh, 1991, ICS Publications.
91 Merton, Thomas, Essay on St. John of the Cross; Saints for Now, ed. by Clare Booth Luce, 1952, Sheed & Ward, London
92 Bible, King James Version,1 Prov. 17:3
93 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.5-3
94 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.9-2
95 Haase, Albert, O.F.M., Contemplatives and Mystics, Walking with the Saints Magazine, June 2007, AmericanCatholic.org
96 Merton, Thomas, Essay on St. John of the Cross; Saints for Now, ed. by Clare Booth Luce, 1952, Sheed & Ward, London
97 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.10-6
98 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.12-4
99 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.11-4
100 Zimmerman, Benedict, St. John of the Cross, Catholic Encyclopedia, 1909, Robert Appleton Company, N.Y, Vol.8, p.480, www.NewAdvent.org
101 Thomas Merton, Essay on St. John of the Cross; Saints for Now, ed. by Clare Booth Luce, 1952, Sheed & Ward, London
102 The Dark Night of the Soul, trans. by E. Allison Peers, 1990 Random House, N.Y., Chapt.14-3
103 http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/b3e.shtml
104 Ibid.
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